The Dry Spot

Obligatory Yearly Placeholder Post

ceeelcee — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 15:56:16 +0000

Yeah, I’ll bet that got your attention. Since there are still some new readers coming to the site drawn by Google searches that share my misspelling of the word “racoon” and a surprising amount of folks hunting down information about retired Nashville weathermen, I thought I’d welcome them to the site and let them know that the good stuff is linked over there on the right under “The Driest Spots.”

There you can learn more than you would ever want to know about a complete stranger.

And they don’t come too much stranger than me.

Have fun poking around.

Lesson Learned on 12th Avenue South

ceeelcee — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 17:32:44 +0000

So since when did this stenciled on the street

become the universal symbol for “Break Your Schlitz Malt Liquor 40 oz. Bottles Here?”

Hey buddy, I got a sign for you, right here:

Grrr.

Drop Back and Pun

ceeelcee — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 15:11:59 +0000

I’ve been thinking about titles lately. No, not like the Earl of Sandwich or Sir Loin of Beef. I was listening to a friend’s new R & B album and was wondering how they come up with titles for instrumentals. I imagine folks must get pretty proprietary about their titles. After all the work and creative genius that goes into a great jazz song, would it have been as great if Duke Ellington had called it “Take the #47 Bus?”

Novel writers must agonize over titles. I’ve never written anything longer than a couple of pages, but the idea of choosing a word or a phrase to optimize your 150,000 word magnum opus seems really intimidating to me. Sometimes they really hit the mark-”Grapes of Wrath,” sometimes not so much-”Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” and sometimes it just doesn’t matter-”Peer Gynt.” Songwriters and short story writers have to come up with a title every week or month or so as the create new pieces, but they often have the benefit of simply lifting a line out of their song or story.

But us bloggers, man…now there’s some pressure. I have to come up with 5-7 titles per week that are vaguely informative and occasionally entertaining. So what is the last bastion of the overburdened author? That’s right, the pun. Paronomasia has the potential to attract derision like no other literary device, yet I can’t avoid it. Drawing from a proud literary history ranging from Shakespeare to Ogden Nash, the ability to turn a homonym into a synonym is harder than most people think.

Samuel Johnson called the pun “the lowest form of humour.”

I got your Samuel Johnson, right here.

Oscar Wilde would be so proud.

Not Even a Good Effort

ceeelcee — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 14:17:46 +0000

I don’t know who this German dude, Max is, but the sumbitch sure is tall.

I Have a Serious Proposal for My Home Team

ceeelcee — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 15:07:57 +0000

Here are the Tennessee Titans free agents for 2010:

Pos Player Name FA Status Previous Team Current Team
RB LenDale White UFA Tennessee Titans Free Agent
TE Alge Crumpler UFA Tennessee Titans Free Agent
TE Bo Scaife UFA Tennessee Titans Free Agent
OG Benji Olson UFA Tennessee Titans Free Agent
OT Michael Roos UFA Tennessee Titans Free Agent
C Eugene Amano UFA Tennessee Titans Free Agent
C Kevin Mawae UFA Tennessee Titans Free Agent
DL Tony Brown UFA Tennessee Titans Free Agent
DL Kyle Vanden Bosch UFA Tennessee Titans Free Agent
LB Ken Amato UFA Tennessee Titans Free Agent
LB Keith Bulluck UFA Tennessee Titans Free Agent
LB Stephen Tulloch UFA Tennessee Titans Free Agent
CB Nick Harper UFA Tennessee Titans Free Agent
FS Vincent Fuller UFA Tennessee Titans Free Agent

I say we cut every single one of them (except Roos) during the bye week and replace them by signing players off every practice squad in the division. We’ll decimate our competition’s future while at the same time starting to plan for ours. Plus we’ll save a crapload of money so maybe they could cut beer prices to encourage us loyal fans to keep coming to ball games.

Hey, a guy can dream can’t he?

To steal and bastardize a comment by Alice in Chains bassist Mike Inez, we’re only one injury away from being a .500 team. Unfortunately that injury would have to be a debilitating stroke to Bud Adams.

ceeelcee — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 14:13:03 +0000

She may get better mileage, but I’ve got more trunk space.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

ceeelcee — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 15:53:52 +0000

I’m pretty sure that texting while driving a cooler with an open container has to be against the law.

Tap, tap, tap…Is this thing on?

ceeelcee — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 01:43:14 +0000

Because I needed some place to post my entry that won the “Formal Champion” category of the Hot Tomato Haiku Contest at the East Nashville Tomato Art Festival, I figured I’d pull the old Dry Spot out of mothballs so I could show the color and the structure. It wouldn’t make much sense otherwise.

For

Orbs

Which

D a n g l e

C a r m i n e,

R u b i c u n d,

C r i m s o n

D i n e r s

T h a n k

G a i a

I’ll go back in my cave now.

CeeElCee’s Productivity Tips-First in a Series of None

ceeelcee — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 20:52:02 +0000

I realized that I have inadvertently done a brilliant thing to improve my productivity here in the office.

(“You mean like not blogging in two weeks?”)

No! Screw you, inner monologue. He can get so self-righteous sometimes.

I have allowed boxes of printed samples and calendars to fill all the chairs and every flat surface in my glorified cubicle. (I have a door and a window, but it just leads into another cubicle.) Thanks to the lack of horizontal space, nobody can sit down in my office but me. Conversations about nothing have been reduced by almost 100% and my quiet work time has increased accordingly. Of course, SEC football does start next week…

That’s Pretty Scary

ceeelcee — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 19:18:49 +0000

Knuck got me picking through the ole digital vault for pictures from circa 1986.

Then Now

Certainly less hair, and what is left is much grayer, but damned if I don’t look like myself.

Final Free Yard Sale Update

ceeelcee — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 21:45:34 +0000

It’s not too late to move my crap from my basement to your basement!

Go here for details.

Yet Another Reason Why I Don’t Really Fit in Where I Work

ceeelcee — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 18:34:56 +0000

View of my parking lot:

Big-ass gas-guzzling Chevy Z71 pick `em up truck with a trailer hitch

Camry Hybrid with a bicycle on the back

All together now, “One of these things is not like the other.”

The Latest from the Grand Experiment

ceeelcee — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 13:54:17 +0000

You know you want it!

It’s some of my better sell copy. I really should be in marketing. Oh wait, I am…

You Know You Want It!

ceeelcee — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 21:46:16 +0000

If you live in Nashville or are willing to drive here in a Uhaul sometime in the next week, it would behoove you to go here.

As you were. Carry on.

Hittin’ the High Seas

ceeelcee — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 17:50:21 +0000

I’ll be absent from the information stuporhighway for the next fortnight.

Until I get back, y’all play nice with each other and let’s maintain that lead, Cubbies!

Arrivederci, adio and hoşça kalın.