I Saw Two Butterflies on My Windshield This Morning…

August 31, 2006

…they were screwing. Just kidding.

On a trip to Wisconsin to visit some suppliers and take in the
beginning of the Kerry Collins Titans era.

I already have a good story to tell tomorrow and hope to garner
a few more for y’all’s entertainment in the meantime.

A teaser-“Joan Jett meets the cheeseheads.”


No They Di-in’t!

August 30, 2006

From today’s Nashville City Paper:

Man, The Dry Spot is getting kinda dirty lately. I’ll have to write some posts about butterflies or some crap like that soon to get the taste out of my mouth.

Shopping for Lambskins

August 30, 2006

Les Jones is talking about buying condoms.

The first time I ever bought condoms (no, it wasn’t last week, smart alec), I went to about ten different stores to build up the nerve and find some that weren’t behind the counter until I ended up at the Kroger in Bellevue all jazzed up on the six cokes I had bought at various stores along the way.

I looked around for awhile until I finally asked a guy stocking the shelves where I could find them. “Condoms? My man! Follow me. The ladies are especially appreciative of these!” he said as he led me down the aisle and pointed to some ribbed ones. “Turn them inside out for YOUR pleasure.”

I thought I had it made until I got in line. Who was the check-out lady? That’s right, my third grade teacher from Westmeade Elementary School. She recognized me. I recognized her.

But I was embarrassed to be buying rubbers and she was embarrassed to be working at Kroger; so we both grunted hello and completed the transaction. On the way to the car I decided that I was the one who had something to be happy about. And later that night, I was. Twice.

I Am a Rude Slacker…

August 30, 2006

…for not acknowledging Kerry Woo’s response to my whiny plea to have something named after me.

I am honored and humbled.

(But does this mean I have to pay to replace our crappy scoreboard?)

The Last Word on this Subject

August 29, 2006

Final tests are in.

All is well.

Thank you for your concern.

Some Post-cruise Observations

August 29, 2006

1. Apparently all the salt air must have shrunk my clothes somehow. Nothing seems to fit the same anymore. How unfortunate.

2. Cruise food is like having an endless pantry of pop-tarts. I saw people leave the 8:15 dinner seating and head directly upstairs to get in line for the midnight buffet. Hmmm…that might have something to do with number 1.

3. Mexico is much closer to the equator than Nashville. The sun is apparently stronger. Double your SPF.

4. No matter what the nice local tells you it will look like, do NOT get your hair braided while onshore. It will look, at best, hideous and at worst, tragic. Plus you’ll probably burn your scalp really badly. (See #3)

5. I heard a cruiser who wasn’t part of our advertising convention group complain that the people on the ship were “too rednecky.” I didn’t really notice that. Do you think it could have been us he was talking about?

Apparently, It’s a Motif

August 28, 2006

88 miles later in Blount City, Al-another Stuckey’s stop. (I’m traveling with the TBC-Tiny Bladder Club.)

Another stuffed cat on the counter and a stuffed dog on top of the nasty hot dog machine that turns the pork tubes over and over on a bunch metal rollers covered with 10-W-40. Truly unfortunate.

Despite conventional wisdom, travelers visiting a Stuckey’s should leave their pets in the car when stocking up on pecan pies and misogynist bumper stickers.