How Come…

…I always get in the security line between the one guy who’s never been to an airport before, yet packs an entire Circuit City in his carry-on?

…I never notice there’s a hole in the big toe of my sock until I have to take my shoes off for security?

…a $5.00 shoe shine that looks great at the airport looks like ass when you arrive at your destination?

…the lady at the sundry shop in the terminal can look me in the eye with a straight face when she charges me a buck fitty for some Lifesavers and $4.00 for two AAA batteries?

…I invariably end up next to the person who doesn’t have enough room under their own seat for the dog/mandolin/sombrero/LCD projector that they have chosen to bring along on this trip and asks if they can use some of the room I had planned to reserve for my crippled right ankle?

…the same refrigerator on the plane can keep the pat of butter for your slice of prison bread too rock-hard to spread and yet keep the milk as warm as if it was fresh from the udder?

Ahh, the glamorous life of the business traveler.


4 Responses to How Come…

  1. Kathy T. says:

    I always got the crying baby (or jumping kid), the farter, and the seven foot tall, 400 pound guy to sit next to me. I don’t miss flying!

  2. bridgett says:

    I’ll see you your contradictorily warmed/cooled dairy products and raise you the seating arrangement from hell. On your right is The Talker. The one who wants to tell you all about his days as warden of a minimum security prison outside Sacramento, his daughter’s asshat of an ex-husband, his wife’s kidney complications, his blood type, etc. On your left, it’s the Creepy Guy. The one with the intense stare and the bow-hunting magazine, who you suspect (from the furtive hand movements, grunts, and snuffles) has become sexually aroused from the picture of the skinned-out bear hanging from the tree.

    Yeah, my trip to St. Louis last week was a real humdinger.

  3. ceeelcee says:

    Well, heck, Bridgett! If I’d knowed that was you, I’da introduced myself formally. We coulda shared a deer stand…

  4. fishwreck says:

    Who drinks milk on a plane?

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