The 12 Days of Blogger Christmas (Day 10)

For Sista Smiff, what else could do but a rousing Bluegrass breakdown?

Feel free to pick along Rex. Somewhere in the neighborhood of G.

Chorus

You know that she is my Sista!
Dedicated to her Mista.
But sometimes I wishta
Been the first who kista.

Spoken in a Waylon Jennings/Dukes of Hazzard style over the instrumental break:

Of course I don’t mean “sista” and “kista” in the Appalachian sense. We all recognize the sanctity of the matrimonial vows and the fact that Sista’s Mista is about six foot fourteen inches tall and frequently wields a tool of rosewood and wire about the size of a Mini Cooper. I’m just sayin’ is all…

Repeat chorus

You know that she is my Sista!
Dedicated to her Mista.
But sometimes I wishta
Been the first who kista.

Verse

She’s a name dropper
She’s a show stopper
She’s a WalMart shopper
She’s a gravy sopper.

Waylon again:

But is it really name dropping if you actually know the person you’re talking about? I don’t think so. And neither does my friend Dale Earnhardt, jr. Say hello, Dale.

Dale, jr. (If we can get his agent to return our calls):

Howdy, y’all!

Verse

Wishes she wuz Paula Deen
Cooks a mean turnip green
Loves her some hot cuisine
She’s our blogger queen.

Repeat chorus

You know that she is my Sista!
Dedicated to her Mista.
But sometimes I wishta
Been the first who kista.

Waylon:

Mmmm, I could sure go for some of that Sista home cookin right about now. How about a banjo solo while I go eat? Take it Rex!

64 bar banjo solo. Go ahead and go to the kitchen for a snack. We’ll wait.

Verse

She’s a fast talker
And a Osmond stalker.
I’m just a mall walker.
Who’s a silly Focker.

Waylon:

“I have nipples, Focker. Could you milk me?”

Repeat chorus

You know that she is my Sista!
Dedicated to her Mista.
But sometimes I wishta
Been the first who kista.

Waylon:

“Again let me reiterate the use of the 1st person is traditional in the folk song genre and in no way is meant to represent any particular person in any way that might impugn anyone’s reputation or get anybody’s ass kicked.”

But sometimes I wishta
Been the first,
Been the first,
Been the fiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrst
Who kistaaaaaah!

Waylon:

“She’s your Sista. You know you love her.”

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14 Responses to The 12 Days of Blogger Christmas (Day 10)

  1. newscoma says:

    You had to throw nipples in there, didn’t you Smiley.
    Hysterical.
    Squirrel Queen just made me sing this to her.
    Yikes.

  2. Lynnster says:

    Standing ovation! OMG, the Waylon “asides” are just priceless. I hope Mista Smiff doesn’t put a hit out on you for this, tee hee.

  3. I kept picturing myself as that kid in “Deliverance”.

  4. That is the funniest thing I’ve read in weeks! Bravo!!!

  5. saraclark says:

    I think this deserves a live acoustic performance. I can hear it as I read it!

    I’ve got microphones and a new Pro-Tools set up at the house, I bet someone can round up some musicians and backup singers in choir robes. Woo on jug.

    Awesome. My favorite is rhyming “gravy sopper” with “Focker”.

  6. Kerry Woo says:

    Dang! This is the first time I’ve ever tapped my feet, drummed on the desk and flicked my Bic lighter to a blog post!

    Encore!

  7. Kat Coble says:

    That was hysterical! The best yet!

  8. Malia says:

    When can we download the single? I hope it’s not more than .99 on iTunes ’cause I got some free songs coming to me.

  9. sara sue says:

    Bravo! Bravo! (Still laughing over here!)

  10. sista smiff says:

    I tell ya what..your Sista is speechless. And blushing.

  11. Lynnster says:

    Shoot. Now I’m picturing Rex as the kid in “Deliverance” too. And it ain’t a pretty picture. ::shiver::

  12. Kate O' says:

    BRAVO!!! Wonderful! You’re getting a huge round of applause from this side of the auditorium.

  13. BRAVO! I want to see this live!

  14. John H says:

    Just when I’m thinking there is NO possible way you could top yourself, you go and scale the mountain.

    I do wanna hear this live (good luck with the Waylon and Dale Jr parts).

    I am not worthy…

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