It’s Not “Smudgy Head Wednesday,” People!

I’m not Catholic, but RUABelle is.  I was baptised Episcopalian, and my grandfather was an Episcopalian minister.  So outside of marryin’ and buryin’, most of my trips to church have been to that denomination.  But I have to admit that I can probably count them with my shoes off.

Regardless of my heathenhood, I still usually give up lots of things for Lent as an act of self-denial in an attempt to better myself.  Some years I have given up throwing rocks at whales.  Once, I gave up my New Year’s resolutions for Lent.  But of late, I have tried to take it more seriously.  Usually the  sacrifices have been food-related and easy to substitute for: fried foods, Chinese food, beer, caffeine etc.

Giving up fried food probably helped my arteries for a month and a half, but I don’t eat a lot of it anyway.  Chinese buffets have been a weakness of mine for years,  but there’s always some other cholesterol buffet smorgasbord somewhere to overfill my tummy.  Giving up beer just led to a lot of George Dickel hangovers.  Lack of caffeine made me feel suicidal during the 3-4 day withdrawal period.

Plus, I’ve already given up caffeine in an attempt to get my blood pressure into the non-stroke range without the use of medication.  Now that I’m over the pounding headaches, it’s not that hard to manage.  (Anybody want a half case of Sundrop?)

So whatever I give up has to be good.  RUABelle and I thought about it and decided to bite the bullet.  We’re going vegetarian for 40 days.  Not vegan. We’re not that strong and we loves us some cheese.  But we’re gonna try going meatless.  The only out we’re offering ourselves is maybe some seafood since we’re going to New Orleans for three days during RUABelle’s spring break, and that would just be stupid to not eat seafood in that city.  To rationalize it, we just started Lent a few days early.

So I’m looking for support and sponsors.  Is there such a thing as a patch for vegetarians?  A pork patch?  Some chicken gum?  (Ugh.  I hate gum.)

RUABelle’s giving up sweets, so I guess I am too by extension.  I don’t ever eat them anyway unless she starts the process.   Plus, she’d kick my butt if I pulled out a chocolate bar or a dish of ice cream in fornt of her right now.

Did you notice I just typed “butt” in the last paragraph?  That’s because the other thing I’m giving up is swearing.  I’ve tried this before and it’s really hard.  I slip up occasionally, but I figure as long as I’m conscious of it and try to modify my behavior, it’s not worth quitting just because I let the occasional “f-bomb” fly.

So the ole Dry Spot might be a little less interesting until Easter.  Or at least a little less salty in the language department.  What think you?  The folks that use dingbat symblos to cover up their cussing for the front page of NiT-is that cheating?  F*ck if I know…


16 Responses to It’s Not “Smudgy Head Wednesday,” People!

  1. Lynnster says:

    You know, you really only have to give up ONE thing for Lent, but hey, more power to ya. “Pork patch”… heh.

  2. malia says:

    No mean, no sweets, no cussin’. You’re getting downright pious on us, Smiley.

  3. malia says:

    Ugh, that was supposed to be, no meat.

  4. fishwreck says:

    I guess you could try gnawing on some Veggie Breakfast Bacon Strips as if they were jerky. But that just sounds fucking pathetic. I am a huge fan, however, of the Veggie Mini Corn Dogs. With all that breading, you can’t tell at all that the insides aren’t actual amalgamated pig parts. Good luck!

  5. sista says:

    I’m glad my penance is singing cheesy, Easter songs. I couldn’t give up meat. You is a better man than I am.

  6. bridgett says:

    There are many good soy-based substitutes that allow you to cook like you usually do — Morningstar Crumbles, Veg Sausage, and so forth — without much in the way of modification. There are also terrific vegetarian recipe sites (google is your friend here). Going out to eat is fun because you wind up trying new places that you don’t ordinarily go. And thank god that beer is grain-based.

  7. sara sue says:

    Oh lord…what this old girl wouldn’t give for a half case of Sundrop!! Can’t get it here and NOTHING is a better mixer with whiskey!

  8. sara sue says:

    Oh…and for your meat withdrawals, try this:

  9. ceeelcee says:

    Whiskey and Sundrop? Are you sure you’re not my sister, Sara Sue? I’m a big fan of the Dickel/Drop.

    re: the bacon bandages…I WANT!

    We’re already big Morningstar eaters, but the “Facon” and the “Tofurkey” ain’t gettin’ it. Experimentation continues…

  10. […] Smiley’s not going to eat anything with a face for forty days (save for a Louisiana vacation). He’s wondering if he’ll need some assistance: RUABelle and I thought about it and decided to bite the bullet. We’re going vegetarian for 40 days. Not vegan. We’re not that strong and we loves us some cheese. But we’re gonna try going meatless. The only out we’re offering ourselves is maybe some seafood since we’re going to New Orleans for three days during RUABelle’s spring break, and that would just be stupid to not eat seafood in that city. To rationalize it, we just started Lent a few days early. […]

  11. Erinne says:

    Need support? Try If you didn’t already know about it there’s some recipes in there and a few people to give you pointers here and there. Don’t stop at pesco-veg…go vegan. You’ll be glad you did!

  12. Lesley says:

    I’m a little late here…your feed’s gotten messed up somehow, but anyhoo, I won’t give you tips on how I stay meat-free since your intention is to eat meat again, but I will say that veggie lasagna is awesome. And polenta. And marinated portabello caps with a side of couscous and sauteed asparagus. I could go on, but I’m making myself hungry! Point is, I’ve been veg 7 years now and it hasn’t been hard at all. Except, of course, in New Orleans. I got some funny looks for ordering that muffuletta without the meat. So take a break in NOLA, but it won’t be hard any other time.

  13. melusina says:

    My husband is Greek Orthodox, so we are going completely vegan, so I sympathize, but envy the fact that are still eating cheese.

    Fish is actually usually ok for most fasting periods, the Greek Orthodox church is stricter about it before Easter than Christmas, but most people still eat fish when fasting.

    Actually, you would think it wouldn’t, but it helps to look at nice pictures of juicy meat that you love. I thought it would make it worse, but I was wrong. You go through the flavors, the taste, your mouth can enjoy it, but you aren’t actually eating it.

    Other than that, it just generally sucks. I’d give anything to be fasting in America with the HUGE supply of frozen, delicious non-meat meats available. No such thing here.

  14. Kate O' says:

    Hey, good luck with the fleshlessness. Lucky for you, there are a ton of tasty meat alternatives in most grocery stores. Get thee to Wild Oats for your best selection. You can find a sub for just about anything these days. Good luck!

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