As part of the process of staining the deck at our Sewanee cabin, I replaced and stained two rotten old screen doors. I replaced most of the hinges, doorhandles and hardware and realized that I was saving all the old wood screws in a jar.
Will somebody please tell me what the hell I was thinking I was going to do with a bunch of rusty, stripped mismatched screws?! I swear, I’m like Tom Freakin’ Joad sometimes…
I noticed a lot less people on Belmont Boulevard this morning during my run. I figure they must all be taking the day off to prepare for the big Country Music Marathon tomorrow.
RUABelle and I live about two blocks from the race route. Unfortunately, we’ll be up on the mountain tomorrow staining a deck so we’ll have to miss out on our annual ritual of handing out vodka jello shooters and chocolate chip cookie dough to the runners.
I keep a Moleskine journal in my back pocket to write things down that I want to remember. I was reviewing it this week and I found an entry I didn’t recognize. I don’t remember writing it, thinking it, reading it or hearing it; but sure enough it’s in my handwriting. And it doesn’t look like I was drunk when I wrote it.
So I can’t really comment on it or attribute it if somebody else who might have said it first. It does sound like something that might have come from the dark recesses of my slightly disturbed mind, but I can’t even remember any context that might have triggered it. I wouldn’t even blog about it if it wasn’t something that I think would tickle Aunt B.
So without further adue, verbatim:
“Did you ever use cheap toilet paper to clean off a penis (yours or his) after sex and end up making it look more like a papier mache piñata? Just curious.”
How ironic that the Nashville Knucklehead is wrassling with his own water feature issues.
Here’s what I discovered yesterday about small, ornamental fish ponds:
1. If you remove all the rocks from a Home Depot 100 gallon pond liner to clean and dry them, frogs will be unable to climb out of the bottom of the pond.
2. Even if you wet vacuumed the pond completely dry, it will eventually refill with rainwater over the course of a couple weeks.
3. Frogs cannot tread water indefinitely.
4. Frogs apparently do not have gills. That whole amphibian thing always confused me.
5. Five bloated frog carcasses can emit a termendous stench which will put you off of frog legs forever.
6. If one frog manages to miraculaously survive like that West Virginia coal miner under a pile of disembodied frog parts, he will not be happy to be accidentally sucked up by the wet vac.
7. Such an incident is survivable, though.
8. When replacing the wet vac on the top shelf of your workshop, it is important to consider that there might still be some frog water left in the hose.
9. When the frog water pours out of the hose and hits you in the face, it is unwise to say “Oh crap,” as the formation of both words leaves your mouth wide open.
Is today really Earth Day? I’ve seen events scheduled for Friday, Saturday and Sunday this week.
I guess that means that a lot of folks will want to be taking in nature and walking around Radnor Lake. What am I gonna do with all this used motor oil left over from my trip to Jiffy Lube?