And Now…The R-r-r-rest of the Story

Longtime readers of The Dry Spot will know that I have a strange obsession with Paul Harvey.  Uncle Paul has been absent from the airwaves for weeks now, “temporarily” replaced by a seemingly endless stream of substitutes/auditioners.  There is some scuttlebutt that Paul is very sick, but I don’t believe it.

I think he’s dead.

As a matter of fact, I think he’s been dead for a long time.

I mean, look at this picture of him from years ago.

paulharvey.jpg

Check it out.  They didn’t even have color back then.

Now look at this ostensibly recent photograph.

paulharvey2.jpg

Nothing’s changed.  The dude is supposed to be five years older than baseball.  He farts dust.

My theory is that years ago, prior to his embalming, some syndicator just had Paul record any possible permutation and combination of any conceivable news event and the expected reactionary comment to these events.  Along with 10,000 third grade bogus history lessons disguised as”The Rest of the Story.”  Hell, he only worked 15 minutes a day.  He had time.

But now his puppet masters have run into a jam.  World events are too unprecedented for them to cut and paste a newscast out of his prerecorded sound bites, and they’ve had to seek out live replacements to read the wire copy.  The franchise is in jeopardy.

But who can blame them?  Who really would’ve expected that a black man and a white cuckolded woman would be vying for the office of president?

At least there’s one thing Paul could always depend on.  He never wavered from the fact that Republicans have always been the most intelligent, competent and compassionate leaders of the free world.

paulharvey3.jpg

Paging Madame Tussaud’s…

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10 Responses to And Now…The R-r-r-rest of the Story

  1. Ginger says:

    My God…I think you’re on to something!

  2. newscoma says:

    Thank you for making me smile for the first time in two days.
    You, my friend, are awesome.

  3. Malia says:

    The “farts dust” comment is what got me!

  4. badger says:

    There’s some a radio car commercial that imitates his broadcast. Drives me bats

  5. fishwreck says:

    Has he ever appeared on Futurama? Or, rather, has his head ever appeared on Futurama? Maybe that’s why they’re bringing it back — to get new recordings of Paul….

  6. sista says:

    Before the Madam Toussaud thing, I was thinking, “Man…he looks like one of them wax figureeeens.”

    He’s probably somewhere hiding his own Easter eggs.

  7. Jennifer says:

    Great post.

  8. If he’s gone to the great beyond, why, oh why, didn’t he take Andy Rooney with him.

  9. […] 2, 2008 · No Comments Investigative blogger Ceelcee posted an intriguing theory at his site The Dry Spot about the legitimacy of the fact that radio legend Paul Harvey is still […]

  10. At the paper we used to have this game called “Dead or Alive” where you name someone and take bets. I would have bet Paul Harvey was dead. Heck, he was old when I used to listen to him — in the early 1980s. That makes him, well, older than Keith Richards by now.

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