I Should Have Ridden the Bus Today

August 16, 2007

You ever have one of those days where you just feel out of sorts on the road?  Between my commute to and from work and a quick trip to East Nashville for lunch, I was almost involved in like ten collisions.

And I’m pretty sure half of them would’ve been my fault.  It’s like I forgot how to merge and how to stay with the flow of traffic.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

But just to be safe, if you see a maroon Tahoe busting ass to the airport at around 7:00 am, I recommend you get the hell out of my way.


What I Learned Today

June 17, 2007

It is exactly a 5-K run from my house to the main MTA bus terminal downtown.  And it’s shady and downhill almost all the way.

The trip back home would be a real bitch, though.  That is, if I didn’t have a bus pass.

Best $1.25 I’ve spent in a long time.  My apologies to my fellow riders for the aroma.

Maybe He Was Looking for the Dixie Dance Kings…

March 12, 2007

Monday’s bus stop observation:

I saw a long white late-model Lincoln come rolling by, belching hydrocarbons and swerving in his lane. The front license plate had a big black “W” on it with “Waylon” written in outlaw script underneath. The back bumper had the typical “W-The President’ sticker emblazoned proudly.

I couldn’t exactly make it out through the tinted windows, but I’m pretty sure the driver was punching a puppy and strangling a kitten.

A Completely Unscientific Sociological Study

January 30, 2007

I figured rather than just bitching about how cold it was I’d actually do something constructive with the ten minutes I had to wait for the bus this morning. In that time span I’d guess about 450-500 cars passed me at the corner of 21st Avenue and Blair (now you know where to find me) heading eastbound.

Here’s what I observed:

4 cars ran the red light–“The light was yellow, officer. Okay, it was distinctly orange.”

About 50 of the commuters were drinking coffee out of travel mugs. 1 was drinking a “Thirsty-Two Ouncer” Miller Lite. Maybe he was on his way home from his 3rd shift job. In Green Hills? Funny, I don’t remember seeing a sock factory in the mall anywhere. I hope he’s not an air traffic controller or something.

About 1/4 of the travelers were smiling while they drove. I did my best to increase that number by smiling at the women who were driving by themselves. I know, cheesy/skeevy.

Only 12 guys were wearing ties.

None of them were smiling.

100% of people driving Mercedes or Lexuses (Lexi?) looked very happy with themselves.

Women talking on cellphones outnumbered men by a 10/1 ratio. But I did hypothesize that some of the men might have been wearing those Bluetooth earbud penis extensions and just listening to the other party talk when I observed them. Or maybe I counted them among the people I thought were crazy and talking animatedly to themselves. In that case, there were 8 of them.

I only saw 3 people smoking. Nashvillians must be preparing themselves for the coming of our new non-smoking overlords. (Read “Bredesen.”)

The 3 guys driving Hummers were dicks. I don’t have any empirical evidence of this. I just know it to be true.

12 Degrees…

January 29, 2007

…makes for a pretty crappy day for my bus to be twenty minutes late.

Yeah, I know it was a pretty stupid day for me to be riding the bus.

I’m sure I’ll have more to say when my testicles descend.